...because each of us are always on the verge of the next big thing in our lives.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

My First Jean Grey Sighting


Yes, you guessed it, I spotted Famke Janssen (aka Dr. Jean Grey/Phoenix in X-Men) in Soho today on the walk home from work. My sources (thanks P) had told me that she lived near my office, but I found myself feeling all gitty after actually seeing her in the flesh. I’m not one to get star-struck, but there’s something about seeing a B-list celebrity (or lower) in his or her natural environment (especially when it’s on the streets of New York). It’s interesting to think about where/how they got their start and about how their love of this city keeps them here instead of on the all-business-all-the-time West Coast. Anyway, I just had to share!


A shout-out also goes to the Dixie Chicks, whose brand new album "Taking the Long Way" debuted at Number 1 on this week's Billboard Top 200 Album Chart with over 525,000 copies sold. Congrats & I love you! Just so you know, it is the Chicks' third CD to debut at #1 on the Billboard Album Chart, which is a first for any female group in the history of music. Ya heard?!

Gotta Love Frat Boyz :)

Just because it's summer out, and because I didn't get my fair share of frat boys in college, I would like to share this with you!



Spread the Thug Luv :)

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

X-Men Over-Power Box Office



Boy, do I know how to pick ‘em! X-Men: The Last Stand raked in $120 million plus at the box office this past weekend. I saw it on Friday night, and let’s just say it satisfied my needs. The only disappointment came after P & I did our popular culture duty and sat through all the credits to see what many hoity-toity pre-screeners promised was worth waiting for. After doing my research, I now know that it would have been SO much better if I was the die-hard fan I'd like to think I am!

Spoiler Alert:

According to the Marvel Directory:

"As a college student, Dr. Moira MacTaggart met Charles Xavier who was working toward a doctorate at Oxford University. The two fell in love with each other immediately and their romance lasted for years. Eventually they became engaged to be married, pending the annulment of her own marriage to Joseph MacTaggart. But then Xavier was drafted into the military. She promised to wait until he was released from military service. However, while he was recovering in a hospital from battlefield injuries, Xavier received a letter from Moira breaking off their engagement with out explanation and stating that she was returning, home to Scotland.

Joseph MacTaggart had proved to be a brutal husband, and finally, while they were in New York City, he beat and sexually assaulted her, causing her to be hospitalized for a week and leaving her pregnant. From then on Moira lived apart from her husband, although he refused to grant her a divorce, and she kept the fact that he had a son secret from him for twenty years.

Moira MacTaggart led a brilliant career as one of the world's leading geneticists, earning a Nobel Prize for her work. She founded a Mutant Research Center on Muir Island off the coast of Scotland. Eventually she renewed contact with Xavier during a period he spent in England working on a degree in psychiatry. Xavier and MacTaggart discussed the possibility of establishing a school for training, superhuman mutants in the use of their powers. Eventually, MacTaggart became Xavier's "silent partner" in founding this school, which trained the team of mutant adventurers known as the X-Men.

Moira died as a result of internal injuries caused by the destruction of the Muir Isle facility by Mystique and the Brotherhood of Mutants. Just prior, Moira had discovered the cure to the new strain of the Legacy Virus that Mystique had created; one that only infected humans. Moira clung on to life long enough to survive a trans-Atlantic flight to transfer that information to Charles, then died in his arms."

Her Strength Level: She possesses the normal human strength of a woman of her age, height, and build who engages in moderate regular exercise.

Known Superhuman Powers: None

Other Abilities: She was one of the world’s leading geneticists and possessed special expertise in the study of superhumanly powerful mutants.



And a special shout-out goes to Hugh Jackman (aka Wolverine), whose arms are bigger than my waist, and who can inject me with his "cure" ANYTIME :)

Monday, May 29, 2006

If Timing Is Everything, I've Got Nothin'

I’ve heard that approximately 60 percent of new small businesses close their doors within the first 12 months. Just like the divorce rate in America, this tells us that things don’t go the way we plan them more than they do. On the same note, hundreds of people move to New York on a daily basis, with many of these people not making it past the 12-month mark. Many make the first move to the big city, find the financial and/or emotional hardship too much to handle, and move back to their respective hometowns with proclaimed traces of hope that they will, in fact, return to take a second crack at it after they gain more life experience, professional credentials, & financial stability. But there’s a cruel reality of which these people are obviously in denial.

There’s never an easy time to move to New York. That is unless of course you’re a trust fund baby or privy to the money that grows on trees that my parents used to reference on a habitual basis. The ones that leave probably didn’t deserve to be here in the first place, or maybe it can all be attributed to bad timing. It takes a special person to live in a city that both embraces you for the person you are and also doesn’t want you to be here. It’s the Big Apple’s own form of subliminal population control.

I’m a huge believer in the power of luck and timing. Timing can mean the difference between you grabbing that great apartment that’s within your budget and being backed into the corner of a horrible roommate situation in a fifth floor walk-up in a neighborhood that your friends are afraid to frequent. Luck can decide everything from who gets that promotion you’ve been vying for to who ends up in your bed after a long night out with the boys.

Some people, like me, are not naturally lucky in life and love. Part of life is coming to terms with the reality of your condition. Learning to compensate for the lack of good luck and good timing that I possess is a seemingly a never-ending process. Or maybe this is all just bullshit and I’m using it to try and rationalize my misfortunes. Yeah, that’s probably it.

You might be wondering where this particular musing got its start. Well, I was catching up on some of my favorite blogs the other day when I came across something very interesting.

Josh & Josh

It’s very strange how you can feel deeply emotional about the departure of two people you have never met, at least not in the flesh. I wish them the best of luck, timing, and here’s to hoping that they return before they forget what made them fall in love with this city in the first place. Clearly it wasn’t worth fighting for this time around!

Thursday, May 25, 2006

This Isn’t Water & I’m Not David

I received an email today asking for a blog update. It made me realize how much I’ve been writing and how little I’ve been blogging lately. My theory is that part of the reason for this lack of conversion of words from journal to blog has something to do with waiting. I’ve been subconsciously waiting for something less dismal to write, seeing as how most of my writings lately have been of the all-too-familiar variety of dim. This theory begs one question: have I developed a fear of putting myself out there emotionally?!

Fuck that shit. Here it goes (brace yourself for dim):

I’ve been in a very strange place lately. I can’t explain it and I can’t seem to find my way out. It seems to be all in my mind, but that’s where it counts, right?

(I’d like to take this opportunity to forewarn everyone reading this: I'm running low on mood stabilizers, and it really could go either way!)

Do you ever feel like you’ve temporarily lost your edge? Do you ever find yourself unfamiliar with your aura? I believe I’m currently in a karmic lull, and I first picked up on the initial signs of this lull after my return from the MOB. No wonder I’ve felt the need to self-medicate more than usual the past few weeks.

Too many times my mind gets tangled up in pending outcomes, and lately I’ve been trying desperately not to initiate any new loose ends (that would further intensify the tangle). And although I’ve been having a disturbing urge to initiate an online rendezvous with someone who could help me escape my current reality for a few hours (you know the kind!), I can’t seem to let myself do it. That’s because I know that doing so will leave me feeling empty/emptier inside. I’ve realized that this is a personal battle that can only be fought (effectively) with a lot of self-reflection (and patience) and a little help from my friends. No one can push through this fog for me. I don’t expect them too either.

Wouldn’t it be great to have the ability to skip to the end where we have everything figured out? Wouldn’t it be great to fall off the face of the earth for a time in order to reset your body, mind and soul? It’s difficult to enjoy the journey when you can’t stop seeing the need for the happy ending that realistically might never come. Forgetting to enjoy the journey (that might end at any moment) is one of human nature’s biggest flaws.

I unfortunately have no choice other than to wait this rut out. And before I figure out what I’m going to do next, I’ve got to work through all the stuff that got me here. Lately I’ve felt the need to punish myself for wrongs I’ve committed against myself. It’s been hard to look at myself in the mirror, and I’m not usually hard on the eyes. I have to find the pain, fear and doubt (some old, some new) and deal with it.

It seems that it takes hitting rock bottom to start any significant life advancement. I feel like that’s what I’m hitting. Or maybe it’s more like a wall. My head is definitely getting it’s time with said wall in a very abrupt and repetitive manner. My only confidence lies in believing that this time will eventually pass.

Someone once told me that I should quit trying to figure out the universe for fear of hurting my brain, but it might drive me to an even greater level of insanity if I stop adding to and subtracting from my theories.

It’s all too much really, this psychology thing. The mind is a funny thing that can be easily lost and quickly found. Insanity has become a way of life, and I’m setting out to find a new approach to this life and its inevitable insanity.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Five Fathoms

If you haven't yet in your life fallen in love with Everything But The Girl, now is the time. This song is just a bit of what they have to offer and really hits home for me.



I walk the city late at night.
Does everyone here do the same?
I want to be the things I see,
Give every face and place my name.
I cross the street, take a right,
Pick up the pace, pass a fight.
Did I grow up just to stay home?
I'm not immune - I love this tune.

I wanna love more.
I just wanna love more.

I drag the city late at night.
It's in my mouth, it's in my hair.
The people fill the city because
The city fills the people, oh yeah.
I cross the street, avoid the freeze -
A city's warmer by a couple degrees.
The smell of food. The smell of rain.
I'm not immune - I love this tune.

I wanna love more.
There's a river in my head.
I just wanna love more.
There's a river in my head.
The only way out is down.
The only way up is down.

The day rolls by like thunder
Like a storm that's never breaking,
All my time and space compressed
In the low pressure of the proceedings,
And they beat against the sides of my life,
And the roads all lead behind me,
So I wrap the wheel around me and I go out.
There's a river in my head.
I'll take you home and make it easy.

Love more.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Shout-Outs

I have to give a shout-out to my girl KT who turned 24 last night while at My Moon surrounded by people who love her for the kick ass woman that she is.



Don't even ASK about the orgy pics ;)

A shout-out also goes out to my girl Kat McPhee, who is was a victim last night of biased judging on the part of Randy Jackson & Paula Abdul (they can kiss it and go straight to hell)!



Need I say more?!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Rockstarlet: A Novel


I've been on a roll lately with this whole reading thing. This weekend on the plane I finished a gulity-pleasure-paperback, and I'm here to share with you the lines that couldn't avoid the highlighter.

Rockstarlet by Stewart Lewis is a novel about the music industry and fame’s ultimate cost. Jackson Poole (the main character) gets his first record deal and everything else that goes along with it. In order to pursue his dream of being a rockstar, he is forced to hide the truth about his sexuality. I thoroughly enjoyed it for obvious reasons!

Some of my favorite lines:

“Some actually did move, but the ones who didn’t wore their envy like a wound.”

“I wish my cousin Duane was here, he always has a pile of cocaine & a great attitude.”

“Hey, you fancy a joint?” I asked.
“Does Dolly Parton sleep on her back?”

“Autumn would enter my life sharply & quickly, working to heat & expose the insides, and then disappear.”

“After the shows we would make out in the dingy hotel rooms & talk about life. Though fleeting, it felt right, as if both of us were gathering a piece of a puzzle that would eventually make us whole.”

“Salt & pepper at the temples. Essential for any meal.”

“He’s insecure & they have something that works, something that feeds each other’s weaknesses. It’s dysfunction central.”

“I felt lucky to even be in his wake, & eventually I ended up in his bed.”

“...the point where silence becomes a scream, and life, all of a sudden, seems unbearably short.

“That first night playing to all those people was a culmination of years of struggle…”

“I felt a loss, a deep sadness, but also an epiphany. From the first time I’d met her, Kia had dictated the tone of our time together: casual, mutual needs, taking nothing too seriously. But this was an evolution. I sensed that Kia and I had run our course, at least for now. She had been like sand slipping through my hand—beginning with a nice sensation and then silently dropping away.”

“The threat of tragedy opens your eyes. Only mine had been closed so long the light was blinding.”

“…but they were both suburban dads, so their threshold just wasn’t at the same level as mine.”

“New York had it’s superficiality, of course, but it by no means dominated as much as it did in Los Angeles.”

“My phone rang. Was this the sound of my career being flushed down the toilet?”

“The strongest happiness is the kind you feel for someone else.”

“In the silence that followed I thought about the things we wish for and if they’re always what they seem. Like me wishing to get a record deal and to find a true love and have kids—being naïve, not realizing the implications, the stipulations, the anguish, and despair.”

“I felt thrilled to be there in that dense mecca overflowing with culture, yet also humbled. Everyone is someone in New York.”

I really do love a good read :)

Monday, May 08, 2006

Mission Impossible: Bridging the Gap

I discovered on my way back to Mobile this past weekend that the diversity that exists between my family & I might always be a hindrance to our relationship. It’s no longer the hurt that hinders (and believe me there was a lot of it). It is quite obviously the cultural divide that is currently the most difficult stumbling block to evade.

Let’s survey the chasm, shall we?!

-They go to church, I go the bar & drink with the same belief & conviction.
-They love living in the sticks, I was anxious to get back to the concrete.
-Proper works for them, I’m completely inappropriate.
-They read the Bible, Entertainment Weekly & US Weekly are god to me.
-They pray, I brunch.
-They think I’m stuck in a very long gay phase, I’m waiting for them to snap out of their delusional/religious phase.

But one thing has always remained clear in spite of the relational fog: adversity always accompanies authenticity & individuality. And all this brings me to the simple, yet profound, realization that allowed me to have a good time this weekend:

They’re being them & I’m being me…& that is good enough for me, if for no other reason than it has to be.

The "take-home" from the weekend: what works for them, works for them and what works for me, works for me.

Moving onto some of my favorite moments from the weekend:

*On the plane ride into MOB, all the elderly lady behind me could talk about was her need to find the nearest liquor store in relation to the airport…she’s my kind of lady, but I fortunately remembered my flask.

*At the dinner table on Friday evening, the gentleman sitting to my right (my “cousin”’s husband” asked my father, “how’s your tractor doing?”, after which I interrupted, “has it been sick?” The convo later turned to armadillos & my father’s attempt to trap them in the backyard, but I won’t elaborate…you get the idea.

*While waiting for our (Victoria’s family & I) table at the Original Oyster House after UM’s graduation, I spotted a familiar face belonging to this guy with whom I graduated high school. I initiated the acknowledgement & he in trun called me Mark...LOL...I was only your class president, dumb ass…I can’t wait ‘til the reunion & I know you can’t either!

*We ate at Bonefish Grill for Al’s b-day on Saturday night & the dish I got was nothing short of amazing (grilled chicken topped with goat cheese, spinach, etc.). I was in heaven & walked out of there feeling like fat people feel all the time.

*I walked into a church & it didn’t crumble…PRAISE JESUS, there are still people out there more fucked up than me!

*I picked up Chelsea Handler’s book, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands. I’m already more than half-way through…brilliant.

Shout-outs go to: V (congrats again), C & E (wish we could’ve hung out longer than 10 minutes), & L (welcome back to the states).

And of course, pics:


Me & V

Me, L, Al (my sis) & L


as in George Washington Watts (my late grandfather)


The '69 Chevy my grandfather left me and my sis in his will

Random Beat-Up Truck (that I couldn't resist shooting)