A Tribute to Spring in Pictures

Perfect Strangers

There are some things in this world that have an interesting way of connecting all human beings together. A few of those things are music, witty banter & just the right amount of alcohol.

We also all, at one point or another, have gotten invited to a random party where our biggest expectations are free booze and decent conversation. But not often do you end up leaving these over-hyped celebrations of the lives we lead with a new-found fondness for first meetings. Rarely do you walk away taking with you a substantial amount of substance gleamed from one (or more) of the other party-goers. Or at least that’s my experience!

We never expect to find anything significant or profound in the random apartment we decide to show up at, especially when we think of the hundreds (maybe thousands) of other house parties going on at the exact same time across the City.

But once every other blue moon or so, a connection is made, the synapses fire at just the right rate, and the brain cells you have remaining stop floating around for just long enough to settle on something (or someone) that they find worth focusing on.

And the question at hand becomes whether or not that those beats in the background, the sharp wordplay being volleyed back and forth, and/or the differing amounts of metabolized substances in your systems will be able to sustain the relationship [word used loosely] until the time comes for you to use the 10 digits that were so discretely slipped into the pocket of your new jeans. You hope for the best, hoping specifically that you don’t taint what was just conceived by allowing your mind to get tangled up in the web of relational euphoria and the anticlimactic nature of your current reality. But that’s just you being dramatic!

And while the slip-in-the-pocket is only one scenario on an ever-growing list of infinite possibilities, one fact remains the same. There’s nothing quite like a first meeting that’s immediately destined for a second. A fresh face in a sea of familiarity, a new venture in a volatile marketplace, an unmarked territory that will fit perfectly in your rearview mirror; these are all thing that we as humans look forward to, and the best is when they fall in our unsuspecting laps.

So I say carry on, do something unexpected, and don’t take good music, witty banter or tasty alcohol for granted. But do take full advantage of the fun they can afford you.



Yes, I had to post this pic. Gotta love Balki Bartokomous & his "Cousin" Larry :)

If you've got 30 seconds, why don't you take a stroll down memory lane! You can thank me later.

My Current Crushes

Am I the only one who saw Marissa (Mischa Barton) getting man-handled by the intoxicatingly sexy Volchok (Cam Gigandet) on the OC Thursday night?!



HOTT!

And I still can’t get over Chris Daughtry’s version of Walk the Line this past week. Brilliant.



DELICIOUS!

On a slightly related note, I need some sand in my feet, some tan on my body, & Volchok on top of me...NOW.

Worthy of a Check-Out!

No other site can tell you where Lindsay Lohan is getting her no-fat chai latte than this little gem that has celebrities looking over their shoulders all over Manhattan!

Gawker Stalker

And yes, Chuck, it was well worth it!

My Life Hurts

So, things never go down like you plan them. That's just life. I had all good intentions to have a low-key weekend consisting of lots of quality David time.

6:30pm Friday evening: I receive a call from one E.L. asking to facilitate his weekend escape from Beantown. I agreed without hesitation.

Long story short: livers were damaged, shirts came off, balloons were burst, and the Roxy's 15th Anniversary was celebrated in high fashion.

So, I'm Officially Stalking Jake Gyllenhaal

After Pink Is The New Blog introduced me to this pic (the stomach, people!) this morning, I couldn't stop staring at it. Consider my man-crush intensified and my heart all Jake's. And you should proceed immediately to my new favorite website!

That's all I'm sayin'

“My Blood Alcohol Level is Dangerously Low”

So by now, many of you know that my freshest addiction is an author named Augusten Burroughs. I first became entranced a few pages into Running With Scissors, the story of his highly eccentric childhood & adolescence. I couldn’t wait to get my paws on Dry, the story of his stint in rehab, and couldn’t seem to put it down once I started it. Now it’s on to Magical Thinking, more true stories from the mind of brilliant Burroughs.

*sigh*

It’s almost like looking ahead 10 years and already knowing what my rehab and AA experiences will be like! Life looks both promising and equally fucked up; I can’t wait.

While we’re waiting, I wanted to note some of my favorite passages from Dry. I’m a high-lighter, and the following lines got the pink ink:

“Advertising makes everything seem better than it actually is. And that’s why it’s such a perfect career for me. It’s an industry based on giving people false expectations. Few people know how to do that as well as I do, because I’ve been applying those basic advertising principles to my life for years.”

“My blood alcohol level is dangerously low.”

“I’m not so shallow as to pick my friends based on what they do for a living, but in this case I have to say it was a major selling point.”

“I could live here. As if I didn’t already.” (in reference to his favorite bar having everything he needs to survive)

“It was like the drunk side of my brain was trying to act distracting and entertaining, so the business side wouldn’t realize it was being geld hostage by a drunk.”

“The fat, I figured, would absorb any toxins.” (you know how you crave McDonald’s while hungover?!)

“I hate confrontation, despite the fact that I was raised with so much of it.”

“It’s like this fucking incredible vortex of possibility. Anything can happen at a bar.”

“But I also can’t ever have any of my friends meet each other. I have to keep them all separate. And they all think this is a little strange, but for some reason it’s normal to me.”

“Do you believe in changing yourself? Or are you one of those tiresome people who prefer to stagnate?”

“I told him about my life in advertising, impressing on him my lack of formal education beyond elementary school and my success at an early age. These were the two things about myself that I could display for others to admire.”

“And all the while, I knew I had to get over him.”

“I want to drink to the point where I could undergo major knee surgery and not feel so much as a pinch.”

“I use booze like an escape hatch and also like a destination in itself.”

“I feel overwhelmed with the work involved with mental health.” (trying to stay sane will drive you crazy!)

“We took it as a sure sign that she was struggling with control issues, destined for relapse.”

“You never question it. You never say to yourself, Am I spending too much time with him? Am I sending the wrong signal?” (If only I didn’t always obsess about relationships!)

“It’s like alcohol gets in the way even when it’s out of the way.”

“I feel disconnected, or like I am on pause. I’m restless, but not energetic.” (Sounds like winter in New York!)

“Handsome people are always interesting to watch. But a handsome person in crisis is riveting.”

“I am relieved that I am not the only one who is so unaccustomed to happiness and the feeling of impending punishment that follows.”

“Nothing is ever enough. It’s like there’s this pit inside of me that can’t be filled, no matter what. I’m defective.”

“I’ve drained the lake to flood the city.” (referring to picking up one addiction while in the process of breaking another)

“No doubt he’s in bed screening his calls: no single people or recovering alcoholics.”

“Your pathological shallowness is going to be your demise.”

“I bought it for the person I wanted to be.” (Good intentions always end up helping no one but your credit card company!)

“Missing in action. It really is like he’s seeing somebody else. How can I compete with crack?”

“He’s quite literally breathtaking. I no longer blame you at all for your shallowness and lack of judgment.”

“The threat of tomorrow has made us drowsy.”

“That is my default, wanting a drink.”

“I’ve played all my sad music; nothing works.” (Does anyone else besides me have iPod playlist such as “Soothe Me” and “I’m Angry”?!)

“Falling asleep that fast is more accurately termed ‘losing consciousness’” (I won’t name names!)

“He feels so fucking good. But then, so does scotch.”

“Nothing surprises me now. I am stoic. I am Joan of Arc, with liver damage and an unused penis.” (One of my FAVS)

“The coke has made me incredibly horny and also borderline suicidal. I’m split 50/50. Do I want a blowjob or do I want to jump out the window?”

“This is not what I expected, he was the wrong guy. His touch is too personal. Affectionate. It could split me open.”

“I never got over him. My feelings simply went into remission.”

That, my friends, is some good shit. If you don’t quite get all the references, I would highly recommend reading Dry for yourself. And you can thank me later.

I’m Glad I Did It, But I Won’t Do It Again.

How many times have I uttered that line in my lifetime?! No Comment. But those very words roll off the tongues of tens-of-thousands of guests at theme parks everyday in America. This reaction is prompted by a certain ride or attraction not living up to the participant’s expectations. Many times our expectations, whether they be high or low, are over-shadowed by reality. We’re often grateful for the experience, while also being thankful there’s not a promise of a “next time.”

The often-empty promise of a next time often rears its ugly head in fresh relationships. Comments like “I’ll call you tomorrow.” or “We’ll do that next time.” or even “We should go there sometime.” all suggest that the person speaking those words has intentions of making the “next time” happen. Or at the very least it suggests that he or she expects the relationship to continue in some form or another.

On the other side, the absence of a next time statement at the completion of a “first outing” sometimes comes as a great relief. Not many things are worse than when the other person obviously was (so to speak) not in the same room (or on the same date) as you were.

And then some attractions are just boring, lame, or actually cause motion-sickness or (god forbid) nausea and vomiting. I believe these all to be reasons for immediate dismissal. But what are the other deal breakers? Smoking? Snoring? Lack of sexual chemistry? What if you simply don’t sleep well with the person? Are ear-plugs a viable option for combating the snoring tendencies of one partner? Are these things we should just get used to, or should we bolt at the first signs of disability?

There are a great number of questions here with one mutual question that can be used to help answer them: How much do you like this person? (By now you know that the “Space Mountain” analogy has faded away)

More on this subject later; I just felt like getting that out there!

And for the record, my O’town vacay was great. I came back a bit tan and loving life on the island. I almost OD'ed on Disney, family and Cracker Barrel, but life is good and I’m ready for spring in a ridiculous way!