Like a Bat Out of Hell

Only a few short hours 'til I'm off this island and on my way to P-Town (Provincetown,MA for all you breeders out there) via Beantown! I can't wait to gay it up in one of the best gay resort towns in the country. Watch out boys, it could get naked!

To All: I love you, hope you have a great holiday weekend, and here's to gradually working my way up to the top of the liver transplant list!

I'm off to collect more stories for my auto-bio. Don't wait up, these things take time!

Cheers to Queers :)

Holler-OUT!

Diagnosis: Alcohol Poisoning

Me & My Pride Posse

Me & Marky Mark

Me, S & M (LOL)

Me, M & M (Still Funny)

The Two M's

C, Me & B :)

J.H. in the middle, London to his right & To-Be-Named-Later to his left!

Don't Even Ask!

The Art of the One-Night Stand

There are very few “arts” in this life that I see myself ever being passionate enough about to perfect; one of those few being the one-night stand.

The Urban Dictionary defines the one-night stand as “sexual activity with another person intended for one night only…the term is used by women as well as men as a candid description of 'getting your rocks off' when a bit of no-strings fucking (& etc.) was desired.”

The key phrase here is “no-strings”.

In my opinion, the gays have it pretty easy. We have a nice handful (no puns intended quite yet) of popular websites that cater to the continuously-growing and ever-evolving demographic of homosexual men that like to get their rocks off with other men of the same disposition. But we haven it even easier than most breeders might think, given the long history of casual sex being condoned and even widely encouraged within the community.

But forget what’s acceptable to others, let’s talk about what we as individuals can handle emotionally. Perfecting the art of casual sex comes easy to some, but to most (I would say) it’s no easy feat. It’s all about keeping your sex drive satisfied and your emotions at bay, keeping your standards high and your expectations at zero.

Most times a single sex act means different things to the two (or more) people involved. The key to the one-night stand is for both/all parties to be on the same page by silently agreeing that the act(s) mean absolutely nothing and should be regarded as such: meaningless, frivolous, an inconsequential lust-exchange.

Many would argue that this whole concept is heartless. These people would be correct. Sex shouldn’t always have to do with the heart, but it should always have to do with satisfying your hormonal needs. And let’s face it, everyone has needs. I hate it when I see people not having those needs met because they’re too busy emoting all over the place like a freshman sorority girl in the bathroom at a frat party.

Moving on to my latest subject of education: the less-than-one-night stand. This is where the term “hook-up” was born and the term “in and out” could not be more appropriate. You initiate dialogue online, hope they’re geographically close, go & come (pardon the pun)! And then you leave. No cuddling allowed. Rejection isn't at play. It's not personal, it's just business (hopefully sans the monetary transaction)!

My favorite things to say or hear after the deed is done:

"Let’s keep in touch if you want to get together again."

"Let’s not make this just a one-time thing."

"Thanks for coming over."

"I’ll see you online."

All four are so tragic and ridiculous that they make me smile.

To take this post a step further, here are a couple of questions to never ask yourself while having sex with a one-night (or-less) stand:

Can I see myself with this person? (What does it matter, you can technically never see him/her again.)

Is he/she feeling the same connection that I am feeling? (Irrelevant, but you should use that connection to have an amazing orgasm. But only if you’re strong enough to dismiss his/her killer eyes the moment you wipe your seed off his/her chest!)

I’m done here. So until next time, bring on the lust-triggers and obey your rocks.

My Married Friends Think They Have It All Figured Out.

But do they really? If everyone’s being honest with each other and his/herself, probably not!

Let me begin by saying one thing: this subject wouldn’t even rate a blog post if it wasn’t for the vibe that’s been radiating from the land of the settled-down. It’s a vibe of pretentiousness that is both unjustified and unappreciated. Or maybe I’m just projecting, like I seem to do quite often (especially in my dealings with other human beings).

All I’m saying here is that I shouldn’t be made to feel defective just because I’m not wired to be a hopeless romantic in a committed relationship. Somewhere along the way these individuals caught the monogamy bug, and instead of trying to shake it they decided to give in to its long-term effects. I simply choose to maintain my healthy immune system and stay far away from the inevitable bullshit that goes along with any kind of partnership.

I’ve learned to embrace my tendency for polygamy with open arms and a full glass, and only single people (like myself) can truly understand that some people (like myself) are better off alone.

They call it hopeless romantic for a reason, and my hope for my taken friends is that their love for each other never dies, that their happiness never deceives them, and that they never forget how to coexist with single people (like myself)!

Operator (performed by Toby Lightman)

Operator, well could you help me place this call?
See, the number on the matchbook is old and faded.
She's living in L. A. with my best old ex-friend Ray,
A guy she said she knew well and sometimes hated.

Isn't that the way they say it goes? Well, let's forget all that
And give me the number if you can find it,
So I can call just to tell 'em I’m fine and to show
I've overcome the blow, I’ve learned to take it well --
I only wish my words could just convince myself
That it just wasn't real, but that's not the way it feels.

Operator, well could you help me place this call?
Well, I can't read the number that you just gave me.
There's something in my eyes, you know it happens every time --
I think about a love that I thought would save me.

Isn't that the way they say it goes? Well, let's forget all that
And give me the number if you can find it,
So I can call just to tell 'em I’m fine and to show
I've overcome the blow, I’ve learned to take it well --
I only wish my words could just convince myself
That it just wasn't real, but that's not the way it feels.
No, no, no, no -- that's not the way it feels.

Operator, well let's forget about this call --
There's no one there I really wanted to talk to.
Thank you for your time, ah, you've been so much more than kind.
And you can keep the dime.

Isn't that the way they say it goes? Well, let's forget all that
And give me the number if you can find it,
So I can call just to tell 'em I’m fine and to show
I've overcome the blow, I’ve learned to take it well --
I only wish my words could just convince myself
That it just wasn't real, but that's not the way it feels.
No, no, no, no -- that's not the way it feels.


So, this is one of those songs that make you melt the first, second, & every other time you hear it. Standing against the bar at the Toby concert this past Monday night, I found my tear-ducts flowing freely during this song. Some artists just "get" certain people, and I feel like Toby & I could become great friends if given the opportunity for an appropriate introduction. After realizing that Toby's lead guitar player went to high school with KT (small world moment), we thought we might just get that introduction. But alas, no Toby schmoozing to report. After the show she gave us, we had no complaints at all. If you can make me cry through your music, I'm in your fan club for life.

If you haven't already, show my Toby some love (click on the title of this post)! It'll change your life :)

Another Weekend, Another Story!

What do you do when you attend a birthday party at the hippest new gay bar in Manhattan and randomly run into an ex (aka the first guy that broke your heart)?! Well, first you go home and sulk and sleep until 2pm the next day. But then you have really hot sex with random strangers in attempts to re-repress the memories of what that bastard did to you! I’m just saying, hypothetically! ;)

Yes, I saw R.S. at Vlada in Hell’s Kitchen on Friday night. It seems like clock-work that we graze each other’s existence about every six months. If I remember correctly, our original time together was around August of 2004, before the conception of this blog (thank god). The first and second reappearances were at Roxy, the second which was pretty traumatic for both J.K. and I (especially since it was J.K.’s first time at the “longest running gay Saturday night in history” LOL)! And you know I had it bad for this boy if, after the second “coincidence”, I sent him an email asking if he wanted to grab a drink some time. I guess only the biggest assholes bring out the holler-back girl in me! Just so you know, his electronic reply stated he was still too “busy” to pursue anything. Little does/did he know that the furthest thing from my mind right now is “pursuing” anything with anyone. But hey, it’s his loss of some of the best sex he’ll have in his life. I’m sure you all really want to know how much I’ve improved in that arena, so I’ll stop now! You can thank me later :)

Moving on to last night, there’s nothing like a b-day party among co-workers to leave you unfulfilled and not drunk enough. First of all, the venue was this place called M 1-5. It was below Canal Street, it was wet out, I headed out to the party at about 10pm. The only thing good I can say about this place is that it draws an unusually large amount of unusually attractive straight men that you just don’t see in the gay bars/clubs that I frequent (the straight part, that is). Of course since I don’t get into attempting to realize a Sean Cody porn flick, it’s really pointless to have them there and caused nothing but a distraction for me the entire night! But alas, my girl KT was there to limit the suckage. Also in attendance was R.P., which royally pissed me off for the usual annoying reasons. Let’s just say he and I were the only obviously gay attendees, and he’s not my type.

What can I say? I’m a high-maintenance guy who needs a tad more than watered down alcohol to get a reading on my fun-meter. But what are you gonna do, except keep drinking and keep having sex with strangers until you find something worth sticking around for.

And here’s where this post gets a little bit more thick. Spoiler alert!

I think it comes down to the fact that I’m focus-challenged. Having said that, anyone who suddenly develops the ability to captivate and maintain my attention for an extended period of time is more than welcome to enter my life at any moment, starting now. This is becoming ridiculous.

My mind is wrecking my romantic life, and I don’t know how to control its negative tendencies. And it’s not like I want to lose interest in someone after a short time, it just seems to be a pattern that’s forming (or should I say formed).

And while I am usually uninhibited socially, I am often very reserved emotionally. This is a stumbling block to developing anything more than a good time with the people around me. And the good time was even difficult to acquire that last night!

Going back to the whole monogamy thing, or lack thereof that I’m infamous for: It’s not that I don’t believe in monogamy as much as it’s just not for me. At least not at this point in my life it’s not. Of course it will probably only take the right guy to do the trick of evolving my mindset, but until the day he enters my life…you’re in store for many more fucked up adventures in the life of this fucked up kid from the Dirty South.

Congratulations.

I REAL-ly LOVE Toby Lightman!

So what, I've been addicted to YouTube this week. Don't hate! And I'm psyched to be going to see Toby Lightman (singing "Real Love" in the video above) live at Joe's Pub this coming Monday. Shout-outs go to Kristina for putting us on the list and KT for hooking that shit up! :)

Spread the love, have a great weekend, and I'll try to do the same!