I Haven’t Had Sex In Some Time Now...

…or posted anything on this damn thing. A text from a member of my past regarding the latter has forced me to further contemplate the former. The thoughts on these subjects have definitely been there, but absent has been the courage to compile them.

In life, I seem to be at a boiling point. The same people, places and things have been in the same pot for way too long, and it’s only a matter of days and weeks before they all overflow and drown me. I can keep trying to stir it, but it will never taste as good, smell as sweet, or look at promising as it used to.

I guess this drowning feeling comes with getting older. I’m only 25, but I feel like I’ve aged quite a bit over the past four years. I’ve managed to mature without growing up, and learn many things without putting most the lessons to good use.

Where sex is concerned, there was a time when it was easy. I was easy. The idea of getting into someone’s pants/bed used to not be accompanied by the thoughts of the impending consequences. Things like the possibility of an emotional connection, the need for a second impression, not to mention the latest strand of a disease that may or may not make its way into my bloodstream. It’s become more complicated in my mind. It’s more complicated altogether. I used to take it for granted, disrespect it, and do it to make myself feel better. The rules have changed in my head and I’m currently trying to beat the learning curve.

I’m ready for something new, dare I say something more. A distraction from my professional hell. A new infectious personality that will eventually be my demise. In writer terminology, I need a new chapter before my editor lets me go.

But in order to write that chapter, I need something or someone to shake me to my core. To make me think, act, and live differently. Maybe that’s the new job that awaits me, or maybe (just maybe) it’s the great guy I’ve yet to meet. I hope I find one or the other soon, because they obviously aren’t looking for me. I’ve been here a while now, and this island’s not that big.

May the sex withdrawals make me stronger, and the pending possibility tear me down.