So, the Geek Squad finally relinquished my laptop from the hostage situation it found itself in, and I’m back to update you on the state of my world as well as the union I find my self a part of.
I woke up this morning, alone in my bed, and rolled over to find the clock at 11:11am on this 11th day of November. I had no choice but to look forward to the day ahead. I’ve been catching up on my writings, meaning sorting through the loose papers covered with notes that have been piling up around me. It’s been quite a personal challenge not having my laptop to listen to my bullshit, but now that we’re reunited I feel a great deal of pressure to make up for our time apart.
I've been writing a lot of stuff that I consider too dangerous to blog, seeing as my last “relationship” ended (slightly prematurely) as a result of such material that I couldn’t keep to myself.
Let’s just say I’ve been doing a great deal of learning lately and feeling some acute growing pains in the month since we last spoke. See, just a few days after my last posting I had “the boyfriend conversation” for the first time in my surreal life. Since then, I’ve been coming to terms with what it means to be in an exclusive relationship where monogamy can slightly overwhelm a newcomer.
In A Relationship: three simple words that are far from simple when put together. If you find your heart racing while editing your MySpace profile setting, you know you’ve hit hard dirt, new territory, a wall that is now behind you, the wreckage of polygamy in your wake. Homeostasis always takes time, and the calibration process has been completely unfamiliar this time around. But I have to grow up sometime, and I believe that the best things in life don’t come easy. I wouldn’t exactly say I’m currently in a fight against the “single” box, but I would say that I have been forced to step out of my comfort zone recently and relearn a lesson that I thought I had already been taught.
A relationship is not a sprint. It is a marathon. You have to find a good pace and learn to both push through the uphill battles and enjoy the downhill coasts. Your second marathon is easier than your first, but your first is where you learn the most.
I wrote the following on 09.25.06, less that ten days after meeting RAP at my favorite bar via the technological miracle mentioned earlier:
You’re In It Before You Know It
An innocent glance can repeatedly turn into an unsuspected stare that seems to pierce your soul, connecting the two of you with a superhuman force that only slightly subsides when one finds the strength to look away.
A small gesture can mean a great deal when it comes from someone you think you might be beginning to care about.
Your expectations are as low as you can keep them and you are continuously having to push them back down as they attempt to overwhelm you.
You’re counting down to the disappointment, doubting if you can even do anything to prepare for the end of what has begun.
You’re in it, but it doesn’t yet possess your spirit and, thus, cannot break you unless you let it.
Your familiar lack of judgment and disregard for others in your life is reappearing. It’s not exactly a good thing, but you believe it to be a somewhat normal and needed trait of the human condition.
You feel like a predator one minute, the prey the next.
Trying not to let him get to you gets harder by the second.
Your defenses are slipping and the mercury is rising.
Where do you go from here?
Little did I know that where I would go from there was into a relationship with a great guy from Boston that is caring, nurturing, and maybe a little too sweet for his own good.
Where do I go from here?
I’ll continue exorcising the demons, facing my fears, dealing with psychological and emotional issues, fighting my relational frustrations, pushing through the funk, and above all else maximizing this learning experience.
