I’m Officially Not Allowed Out In Public

Straight to the point, to the kicker, the MAIN reason why I should be locked up: I cannot be trusted with alcohol, men, and most definitely when the two and I are shaken (or stirred).

I have to keep reminding myself that there are worse things in life that could have happened, and worse things that probably happened last night to people in the bar around me. But it still hurts (losing my iPod that is), not to mention the loss of my navy jacket (a staple in my wardrobe). The guy who answered the phone at the bar when I called this afternoon said it all: “How did you leave your jacket at a bar? Were you a little drunk or something?” Um, YA THINK?!

I have a problem. No, seriously.

Does Anybody Know What Today Is?!?!?!

Um, duh! It's my THIRD anniversary of moving to NYC. Three short (yet long) years ago I flew from MIA to JFK to begin a journey that I’m so glad that I set off on. That courageous choice to book a one-way ticket to this concrete palace I now call home was/is the best decision I've ever made.

On a slightly inappropriate, yet highly appropriate note, I find it quite interesting that the traditional gift for a third anniversary is LEATHER. It looks like we’re all going to the leather bar tonight, boys!

Just kidding. Maybe. :)

So I'm No Carrie Bradshaw, But...

(this AIM convo transpired yesterday, 03/21/07)

otherperson: hello. you dont know me. but...
otherperson: oh my god is that sara?
otherperson: anyway. wanted to say hi. been reading your blog for a while. and i actually swear i saw you yesterday on houston
otherperson: and i screamed...on the verge of...
otherperson: but you kept walking.
davidwattsmiller: LOL...omg, it was probably me...i was walking home
otherperson: i was walking to hudson
otherperson: had the ole ipod in
otherperson: and i was like wait
otherperson: i know him
otherperson: this is (name withheld)
otherperson: from (blog which will remain nameless)
davidwattsmiller: ah, thanks for the comments!
otherperson: yeah. i figured. its rare im south of 14th street...i was staring at all the big buildings and nice looking people.
otherperson: lol.
davidwattsmiller: i've taken a gander at your blog a few times as well! very nice!
otherperson: awww thanks. its nothing.
otherperson: i dont know what im doing most days.
otherperson: but thank you!
otherperson: and i like you used gander.
otherperson: so just wanted to say hello and hi. and next time ill slug you. :-)
davidwattsmiller: please do! it'll be something to blog about!
otherperson: lol. oh come on!
otherperson: you must have lots to blog about
otherperson: cute boy
otherperson: young cute boy
otherperson: partying it up in the big shitty
davidwattsmiller: most "too dangerous to blog", as i say!
otherperson: oh come on.
otherperson: puleaze
otherperson: then can i live vicariously through them.
otherperson: because my blog is rather tame.
davidwattsmiller: except for the nice ass shots!
otherperson: well i dont mind up...
otherperson: yet.
otherperson: lol.
otherperson: well just up for variety
otherperson: and i have so many i need to share.
davidwattsmiller: lol...and thank you for sharing them with me!
otherperson: ill share it with you anytime.
davidwattsmiller: have a good one. and seriously, next time grab my ass or something!
otherperson: definitely. later.

The Evolution Revolution: Taking (Your) Evolution For Granted

“All evolution in thought and conduct must at first appear as heresy and misconduct.” - George Bernard Shaw

For many people in this world, the word evolution has a very negative connotation. For me, it’s a very beautiful thing. For me, it’s not about apes and the big bang, but rather it’s one of the things that make life interesting. It’s a process that all of us are continuously undergoing throughout life, whether we choose to to accept it or not.

One indisputable fact about the evolution of humans is that some people are more highly evolved than others. It’s not that some of these people are “better” than the others. It’s only that the more highly-evolved individuals know something that the others don’t, or have experienced something they have yet to. One of the problems with this discrepancy comes when the advanced individual (either consciously or subconsciously) begins rubbing his or her evolutionary edge in the face of the evolutionary challenged. A great deal of this gap has to do with age, but there is a reason why many people of the same age can have very diverse personalities and values, as well as very different maturity and comfort levels. It has much to do with how personally evolved they are.

Personal evolution has to do with how your life evolves from the moment you are born to the moment you die. Our minds are exposed to many ideas and we are presented with many life choices that affect who we are and what we will become. Although evolution will gradually happen on its on, the way we choose to deal with these ideas and life junctures can go a long way in deciding how our evolutionary process progresses.

Having said all this, I consider myself a highly-evolved individual, especially when it comes to mental capacity, sexuality, and social adaptation. What I’ve found is that a large evolutionary gap can make for a very awkward evening if one’s inhibitions are compromised, mainly because our subconscious has a knack for resorting back to the familiar. While my subconscious (id?) believes it perfectly normal to (hypothetically) make-out with an attractive guy that I have a connection with, what my subconscious is not taking into consideration is how evolved my prey is in this arena.

I'll be more specific: Throw my highly-evolved nature, mixed with one (or five) too many vodka shots, at someone who still has one foot still firmly planted in the closet, and more than one person will most likely walk away confused, disturbed and utterly disgusted with themselves. In a situation like this, it’s hard for me not to become frustrated with the ignorance, discomfort, or awkwardness of others, whether it’s due to their age, background or overall unfamiliarity with the situation.

I believe it to be very unfortunate that the evolutionary process of many individuals is stunted by their less-than-progressive upbringing. Many times someone’s geographical location, as well as their cultural and religious background will cause to confuse their evolution even further.

The important thing to remember is that it (coexisting in society) has little to do with how wide the gap is between you and another person’s evolutionary status. Rather, it has everything to do with respecting other people and their evolutionary process. Although at times I want nothing other than someone else’s evo-status to align with mine, there are no shortcuts in evolution. Further, we must accept the fact that we all evolve in different ways and some people will never reach what some refer to as "maturity". No matter how you look at it, I don't think it wise to think poorly of those who are behind us in the process (or on a different course).

What we can look down on, however, are those who do nothing to enhance their process. I believe it is possible for us to take control of our personal evolution to determine what we will become. It is important that we value our freedom and take responsibility for who we are and what we do. We can be our own creators in that we can take our circumstances and do the best we can with what we have to work with. If we don't like what we are, we can choose to begin the process of evolving into what we want to be.

Let’s face it. There will always be someone more (and less) evolved than you (and I). We should not worry about evolving past someone or vice versa, but rather we should worry about ceasing to evolve at all. Familiarity can be both a symptom of a lack of evolution and a hindrance in our relations with others.

My hope for the future is that I can respect the evolutionary process of others while doing my best to evolve in style.

I’ll end on a challenging note, by quoting some guy by the name of Anthony J. D'Angelo:

“Promise yourself to live your life as a revolution and not just a process of evolution.”

I'm gonna work on that!

Goldfrapp Is Such a Badass!

I never quite realized this UNTIL her performance this past Sunday night on The L Word of her single, "Ride A White Horse"! Most of you will understand why this song means something to me :) Enjoy!

G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S

My new-found obsession with champagne can be explained in the next few minutes:

I'm (Not) Over It

Loves her!

Something I Can't Get Over

Chris Richardson on last week's American Idol.

I’ve Still Got Sand in My Shoes

As predicted, my time off flew by me, leaving me with little more than the remnants of a week away from reality and a cruel game of catch-up at work. But it feels good to be back in my element, where I feel more comfortable, and where I am better able to cope with myself and my current reality. (read: where I can get laid) :)

Gazing at the city skyline from the cab on the way home from JFK late Friday night, something came over me. It was a warm feeling of belonging that almost brings me to tears to recall. What sucks is that I feel more at home on this island than I do in my own skin. I have some recurring personal issues that I can’t seem to get a handle on, and that my vacation only served to distract me from (& at the same time managed to intensify). Saturday night (back in NYC) I saw into the future to a time when these issues spiral completely out of control and where my desperation becomes the source of my ultimate demise.

In an attempt to resurrect this post from its current dark status, here’s a (shorter than sweet) recap of my trip:

Touching down at the Fort Lauderdale airport on Saturday night (3/3), I couldn’t wait to take my socks off and let my toes breathe in a pair of flip-flops. After being picked up by JF & our host JC (aka Pajarito), we had just enough time to get home, get pretty, and head downtown for United We Dance at Twilo. I was way too sober thanks to the less-than-generous portions of vodka that the bartenders were serving up, but the fun was still there to be had!

Sunday was the Beach Party, the climax of the Winter Party festivities where thousands of half-naked gay men gather on South Beach where Ocean Drive meets the infamous 12th street to dance to the beats of the Circuit’s premiere DJs. It was a great time, but would no doubt have been more fun if I was on something that made me completely forget how Nicole Ritchie I looked compared to all the muscled gods that South Beach (and the gay party circuit) attracts so successfully. Deborah Cox’s surprise performance at 6pm made for a very gay moment. Imagine over a thousand queens singing every word to "Absolutely Not" (it’s pretty in a not-so-pretty way)!

Sunday night was a chance for me to chill alone while the boys headed to Crobar for another night of binge bumping and grinding. I quickly decided that the $85 at the door that I would have spent to have a medium-to-swell time would be better spent toward the cost of extending my stay through Friday (my original return flight was scheduled for Wednesday).

Monday through Thursday vanished before I knew it, and my last day was spent by the pool recovering from a night of one-too-many Red Bull & vodkas! The in-between time was filled with lots of eating (News Café is a favorite for brunch), beaching, and cruising down Lincoln Road (my favorite part of South Beach). Taking in the fresh, warm air permanently put the biggest grin on my face, which was probably completely annoying to those around me. But I didn’t care (too much)!

To summarize: I didn’t drink nearly as much as I thought I would, I did feel way uglier than I thought I would (that’s normal in Miami), Pajarito is one of the nicest, most sincere people I have ever met, and Joey got married to a good ole’ southern boy from ATL. The rest I either don’t remember or will never divulge. Let’s just say I hope the cancer patient gets well soon! JF, remember that's our little secret! :)

Spring Break (I Mean Winter Party) 007

Stay tuned for details about these pics and about what I took away from my vacation to Miami!

It’s So Good To Be (Going) Back!

It’s always interesting to return to the scene of the crime, especially when the scene of the crime is Miami Fucking Beach! That is where I first became a fugitive of LA (Lower Alabama). I made my escape the week before the first week of 2004, driving the 700 plus miles that it took to bridge the gap between a past that I was anxious to abandon and a future that I could never had predicted.

I’ve decided to withhold my travel plans from my family for their own good, as well as for the good of my sanity. Miami isn’t really the place that makes them warm and fuzzy inside. Not only am I going to the city that first took me from them, but my vacation is also taking me away from time I could be spending with them. Although they would probably be upset/disappointed (what else is new) at my vacation location, what they don’t understand (besides me) is that a family “vacation” is not a real vacation! And this boi needs a VACATION!

Their main concern when I moved down there over three years ago was the infamous reputation that Miami has gained for heavy drug-use and trafficking. Little did they know that the heavy gay-use and cruising is what I was more interested in. The truth is I don’t trust myself with drugs (no, Mom, alcohol is not a drug). And although I don’t trust myself with men either, it’s become much easier for me to recover from one bad hit of man than one bad hit of some of the other recreational drugs that the gays (as a true stereotype) are drawn to.

So it’s crazy to think that this will be my first time back to SoBe, especially since several of the peeps I attended MAS (Miami Ad School) with have since been back two or three times. It’s crazier to think of how different a person I am today as when I arrived their at the age of 21, still coming to terms with my sexuality and the world outside of the Gulf Coast. I was quite reserved in the gay sense of the word, only going out to a gay club a small handful of times. I never hooked up with a guy, and I don’t even think I made-out with one (this sounds ludacris in my mind right now). Another truth is that I didn’t like the gay vibe there at all. Very old, very gym rat, very much what I don’t think I would mind now at all. I said back then that I could see myself retiring there, but never making a life there for myself before 40. Many of the older gentleman that I was once intimidated by, with probably become some of my biggest crushes this time around.

I can taste the mojitos already and can’t wait to get some sun on this skinny pale body!

Wet with Anticipation,

DWM

P.S. here are some pics from back in the day (MIA ’04); it seems like FOREVER ago!