The Art of the One-Night Stand

There are very few “arts” in this life that I see myself ever being passionate enough about to perfect; one of those few being the one-night stand.

The Urban Dictionary defines the one-night stand as “sexual activity with another person intended for one night only…the term is used by women as well as men as a candid description of 'getting your rocks off' when a bit of no-strings fucking (& etc.) was desired.”

The key phrase here is “no-strings”.

In my opinion, the gays have it pretty easy. We have a nice handful (no puns intended quite yet) of popular websites that cater to the continuously-growing and ever-evolving demographic of homosexual men that like to get their rocks off with other men of the same disposition. But we haven it even easier than most breeders might think, given the long history of casual sex being condoned and even widely encouraged within the community.

But forget what’s acceptable to others, let’s talk about what we as individuals can handle emotionally. Perfecting the art of casual sex comes easy to some, but to most (I would say) it’s no easy feat. It’s all about keeping your sex drive satisfied and your emotions at bay, keeping your standards high and your expectations at zero.

Most times a single sex act means different things to the two (or more) people involved. The key to the one-night stand is for both/all parties to be on the same page by silently agreeing that the act(s) mean absolutely nothing and should be regarded as such: meaningless, frivolous, an inconsequential lust-exchange.

Many would argue that this whole concept is heartless. These people would be correct. Sex shouldn’t always have to do with the heart, but it should always have to do with satisfying your hormonal needs. And let’s face it, everyone has needs. I hate it when I see people not having those needs met because they’re too busy emoting all over the place like a freshman sorority girl in the bathroom at a frat party.

Moving on to my latest subject of education: the less-than-one-night stand. This is where the term “hook-up” was born and the term “in and out” could not be more appropriate. You initiate dialogue online, hope they’re geographically close, go & come (pardon the pun)! And then you leave. No cuddling allowed. Rejection isn't at play. It's not personal, it's just business (hopefully sans the monetary transaction)!

My favorite things to say or hear after the deed is done:

"Let’s keep in touch if you want to get together again."

"Let’s not make this just a one-time thing."

"Thanks for coming over."

"I’ll see you online."

All four are so tragic and ridiculous that they make me smile.

To take this post a step further, here are a couple of questions to never ask yourself while having sex with a one-night (or-less) stand:

Can I see myself with this person? (What does it matter, you can technically never see him/her again.)

Is he/she feeling the same connection that I am feeling? (Irrelevant, but you should use that connection to have an amazing orgasm. But only if you’re strong enough to dismiss his/her killer eyes the moment you wipe your seed off his/her chest!)

I’m done here. So until next time, bring on the lust-triggers and obey your rocks.