The Science of Relationships: Countdown to the Disappointment

Read not what the stars say
There's an evil lurking round every door
It's not enough to make you leave me
And I never wanted you to go

Talk, talk to Suzie!
“I went through a million choices”
Talk ... Suzie!
“I listened to a million voices”

And they said...
"Don't let me down" they said
"Don't let me down" they said
"Don't let me down again"
No no...

Countdown, countdown, countdown to the disappointment
"I'm yours, tonight!"

Those are some of the resounding lyrics included in Boy Kill Boy’s song Suzie (video below care of YouTube) from their EP entitled Civilian released earlier this year.



And isn’t that always the case. We have been conditioned to understand that disappointment is part of life. A person can fully meet your expectations at one moment, but that nirvana will always be accompanied or followed by a stint of dissatisfaction with the same individual. Some would call that a negative take on the human condition, but I call it reality!

So, how does this mentality affect my approach to relationships? I would say I’m very vigilant in a carefree and haphazard kind of way. I don’t take anything too seriously, especially the prospect of lingering chemistry with the same guy. Not only because I understand the fickleness of gay men, but also because I’m aware of the unsolicited fickleness which plagues me from time to time.

And where as I tend to go with the flow where relationships are concerned, there is a valid argument for devising a strategy and sticking closely to it. This brings up the question: How much strategy should be involved in developing a relationship?

Implementing a carefully-devised strategy seems like a great deal of work at my age, and it seems like a waste since I believe in the power of the universe to fuck up any strategy whenever it sees fit. So at this point in the game, I tend to leave a large percentage of what goes on in my relationships to a simple combination of the following: chemistry, chance & how much the person fits into my television programming schedule.

Everyone seems to have a different approach to relationships, with very few of us having perfected our own. And even the people who seem to have a successful approach are probably a lot more miserable than they would ever admit, but I digress.

Many people use analogies and metaphors to analyze their developing (or ripening, if you will) relationships. The one I’ve learned about most recently is the “fruit metaphor”. I obviously don’t quite understand it due to my abstinence from said food group, but it has something to do with one’s need to violently defile a piece of fruit in order to enjoy it. Or something like that!

Some people examine their budding relationships using nautical analogies, and this might bring us back to the title of this post. In the words of Blue Merle, a recently disbanded group that was centered in Nashville, “years pass & people change, bluer skies could turn to grey; though its gonna hurt for now, every ship must sail away.”

I guess this whole mentality and blog post is motivated by my lack of experience with things that last. And while part of me is continuously counting down to the disappointment that is always possible, part of me is a hopeful romantic that believes in the power of simpatico. I currently just have trouble coming to terms with the possibility that an initial case of simpatico might actually withstand the test of time.

Chemistry is not an exact science, it’s a feeling. And I believe that if I approach every relationship with equal parts feeling & intellect, the resulting outcome will always be one I can deal with.


Now, go to iTunes & purchase Toby Lightman's new album Bird on a Wire. Round & Round is becoming a new favorite song, but the whole album is brilliant.