Cheers to MMVIII

A new day. A new dawn. A new chance to fuck up a perfectly good year. And most likely I will. But cheers to trying not to do so in the first few weeks of 2008.

One of the best pieces of advice I received this past year came to me via a fortune cookie:

“Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still.”

The truth is that I’m scared shitless of both. I’m scared that another 365 days are going to fly by without being able to see any significant progress in every arena in my life. At first glance, the theme of 2007 for me was LACK OF PROGRESS. It is sickening and nauseatingly pathetic, but maybe I just can’t see it…

Not that I didn’t make ANY progress in 2007, because I know I did. But the points of progress are very vague and seemingly insignificant when I look back over my double-o-seven. I guess personal evolution can sometimes be overshadowed by the lack of professional and financial progression.

And how are you supposed to define progress? Is it different for everyone, or is it just the rate that fluctuates from person to person?

Well, dictionary.com defines it like this…

prog•ress
noun (and verb)
1. a movement toward a goal or to a further or higher stage
2. advancement in general (v. to advance)
3. continuous improvement
4. growth or development (v. to grow or develop, as in complexity, scope, or severity)
5. the development of an individual or society in a direction considered more beneficial than and superior to the previous level
6. forward or onward movement
7. the forward course of action, events, time, etc. (v. to go forward or onward in space or time)
8. developmental activity in science, technology, etc., esp. with reference to the commercial opportunities created thereby or to the promotion of the material well-being of the public through the goods, techniques, or facilities created
9. increasing differentiation and perfection in the course of ontogeny or phylogeny (in biology)
10. an official journey or tour, as by a sovereign or dignitary

My continued inability to discern what I want out of life (and make progress, as I define it) has me stumped. I’m stuck in a holding pattern and the life traffic controller won’t give me clearance to land (read: I’ve been taxiing for years and haven’t been given clearance to take off).

“As tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most are those who don’t know what they want.” – Grey’s Anatomy

It seems like I’m waiting for something, but I don’t seem to be looking out for it. Am I afraid of the next big thing? Could I actually be afraid of what I want? Could it possibly be any worse than what I’m living today?

Most times it’s easier to stick with the familiar. I’m currently living the definition of insanity. It’s only a matter of time before my beautiful routine turns into a nightmare of repetition and the insanity I’m living destroys me.

That said, I must learn to embrace the uncertainty (and instability) while developing an escape/evolution plan. Coming into my own will simply have to wait. I must work to conjure up the motivation to make significant progress by changing my life one day at time (like they tell you in AA)!

Before I divulge my official resolutions for Q1 of 2008, I’d like to share with the world the top 20 quotes of 2007 (as I remember them). Some weren’t spoken, written, or otherwise in 2007, but they made me smile and/or write them down in the past year. If you didn’t make the cut, that doesn’t mean you made no impact on me over the past 12 months. It just means that I didn’t write down your brilliance in my journal and therefore have no record of it!

Enjoy (if you don’t get some of them, you shouldn’t).

20. “The gayest thing about you is me.” – Happy Endings
19. “I want to buy the world a dime bag.” – JK
18. “Maybe it’s not the drugs; maybe I just hate my life!” – Me
17. “We need this!” – Grey’s Anatomy
16. “Don’t quit your gay job.” – Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
15. “Sometimes you don’t need to go to the party; you just need to know you were invited.” – Me
14. “There is a tide in the affairs of men.” – "Julius Caesar"
13. “The first time it was a mistake; from this point on it is a choice.” – Private Practice
12. “You do not merely want to be considered just the best of the best. You want to be considered the only ones who do what you do. – Jerry Garcia
11. “I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. – Winston Churchill

Are you inspired/lost yet?

10. “If you can’t take the heat, fuck in the living room.” – Me
9. “Hell hath no fury like a David Watts Miller scorn!” – Me (inspired by Gossip Girl)
8. “I’ve never fallen in love, and I’m not sure if I want to. Maybe someday?” – Aiden Shaw in “My Undoing”
7. “The Silent Samba is easier than the Talking Tango.” – JK
6. “The word ‘lovers’ really bums me out unless it comes between the words “meat” and “pizza”. – Tina Fey on 30 Rock
5. “Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.” – Skinny people everywhere
4. “I need more out of this relationship than I’m willing to put in!” – Strangers with Candy
3. “I feel that emptiness; you know, like when your freezer has no vodka left in it!” - Me
2. “Everything before ‘I Love You’ just doesn’t count.” – Carrie on SATC
1. “I’m not a stop along the way, I am the destination.” – Blair on Gossip Girl

Drum roll please……….

David Watts Miller’s Resolutions for MMVIII –

1. Get ahead (I’m still defining what this means exactly, but here’s a start!)
- Get a grip on where my life is headed, and change the path as needed.
- Get out of credit card debt.
- Get a new job (after figuring out what my plan for career transition/development should be).
2. Be more emotionally available (to people that genuinely deserve my emotions).
3. Do one thing per week that reminds me that I live in the greatest city in the world.
4. “Live to the point of tears.” – Camus

Coming soon:
-Best songs of 2007
-State of the Union

-Recap of my holidays (including Mikey D’s trip to the big city for New Years)

The pics preview above will have to do for now!

And remember...when in doubt, WERK!

xoxo

DWM