Is This Where You Tell Me You’re Not Gay?!

I firmly believe that life is little more than a series of phases. Some phases last longer than others, some overlap, and then some never seem to end. But does everyone go through the same phases? And is it important to experience as many phases as possible in order to continuously broaden your knowledge of the universe?

Well, I tend to agree with the brilliant words of Ethan Hawke’s character (Troy Dyer) in Reality Bites:

“There's no point to any of this. It's all just a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes. So I take pleasure in the details. You know, a quarter-pounder with cheese, those are good; the sky about ten minutes before it starts to rain, the moment where your laughter becomes a cackle... and I sit back and I smoke my Camel Straights and I ride my own melt.”

Yes, it’s a bit dramatic, but he kind of has a point about none of this having a point! But nonetheless, we each have to deal with the different phases of our life. Some are easy, some are enjoyable, and then some are excruciating and most are uncomfortable.

This is going to sound very stereotypical and extremely narrow-minded, but I think that the vast majority of gay men go through a couple phases throughout their adult lives. The reoccurring slut phase, the relatively-short-yet-intense drug phase, and of course the let’s settle (and settle down) phase that comes too often in the lives of many.

Then there are the unfortunate few that have to pass through the purgatory of a bisexual phase. No matter how homo-friendly their surroundings are, their clouded view of, and the blurred line between, what they desire and what they are used to does little more that confuse and frustrate them and the people with whom they chose to become involved.

My bisexual phase hopefully both started and ended this past week. I’ve had a sophomoric crush on him for some time now, and now that the crush has been consummated I’m left evaluating its reality. Crushes are always based more on fantasy than on the facts. I blame this one on the Armani Aquadigio. The foreplay was subtle then evolved to overt. The chase only lasted a few days, and I’m already over the implications. It’s a cliché case of a bisexual man using an openly gay man for a great back-alley blowjob and an occasional drunk, fucked-up fuck.
I believe it came to a head when, after giving him head, I had to service myself and he felt the need to sit in his desk chair and watch like the gay-porn-watching balls-of-confusion that he is. I’m not gonna deny that it turned me on a bit, but if you’re gonna treat me like pay-per-view at least leave the coins on the dresser!

Bisexuality is definitely one of those things (i.e. tattoos, puppies, children) that automatically make a guy’s stock/stud portfolio seem more lucrative than it actually is. And it’s those same things (excluding the tattoos) that bring unnecessary emotional turmoil that this closet-extracted queen doesn’t need in his life right now (or ever).

It’s funny that I go on and on about The Bisexual, even though I never have and never will believe in bisexuality. But I guess, even though I don’t believe, I can sympathize with what he, and the others, are going through. He’s trying to hold on to the shreds of his heterosexuality, and good for him for trying to keep the family tradition alive. I just hope he snaps out of his bipolar funk before he ends up forty and alone, being serviced by strangers he’ll never need to know (shout-out to Dido, who obviously goes both ways).

I don’t think he knows about this blog, and will never tell him about it. But if he happens upon this post, I would want him to know this –

I like the man that you are. It’s just a shame that you don’t see who that man is. When you figure that out, let me know. In the meantime, enjoy SportsCenter!

I’ll end this post with another great Troy/Reality Bites quote.

“I am not under any orders to make the world a better place.”

Thank goodness for that! Otherwise, I’d feel obligated to turn this bi-boi out. :)

Onto the next phase of frustration, whatever that might be.