Missed Connections

Everyone’s heard about them. Those infamous “missed connections” postings on Craigslist that serve to both disturb and fascinate me. Does this really work? Ever?? Are these people so irrational as to think that there are other people out there equally as neurotic as them who have the time to view and post these “less-than-classifieds” on a regular basis like they do?! The answer is yes. It’s like a human lost-and-found out there!

I must share some of my favorites I pulled off CL earlier today (as well as my sarcastic comments):

Dark Angel - West 4th - The guy with the ipod... - m4w (Greenwich Village):
“Staring at you...Kept wondering whether to cross the rails to come to you...Wanting to hear your voice; dying to see your smile...refusing to smile...was scared...wanted you.”

(Oh yeah, the guy with the iPod. It really made you stand out from the crowd!)

Whitney Museum March 30th - m4m (Upper West Side):
“On Friday, after 6pm, we kept on passing each other at different levels of the museum. I was too shy to say hi. I am pale, I had on jeans and black knit shirt, shaved head and black glasses. You had a shaved head and in all black. We were both alone until my friend arrived, (he was black). I thought you were very attractive, let me know if you would like to meet up. (I guess I am not that shy)”

(Go ahead, pat yourself on the back for being a pale guy with a black friend.)

Central Park Conference Room of DraftFCB:
“Our research firm presented to your agency this morning. you work in interactive and my colleague introduced herself to you, but i didn’t catch your name. i was curious about you.”

(Wow, could you be less professional? Why didn’t you just grab the guys crotch during the presentation?!)

Justin the temp - m4m – 34:
“You are so cute. You've temped at my job for over a year now... we both studied pre-med. You make me giggle like 12-year-old girl when I see you. You complimented me on my hat the other day. :)”

(I’m wondering how many time in the past “over a year” that this loser has virtually proclaimed his love for the giggle-inducing temp.)

Took my cig on 39th Tuesday Afternoon - w4m - 21 (Midtown)
“Hey! You asked me for a cigarette outside of the champions building on 39th. I asked if you needed a light...you had one. I said that was half the battle. Anyway, you were adorable and wearing a blazer and sunglasses. If you can tell me what color your blazer was or what brand of cigarette i gave you...let's meet for coffee.”

(He was asking for a cigarette, not for a long-term relationship!)

I held the door for you. 5th ave - m4w (Midtown East):
“I see you from time to time. You seem very sweet and just wanted to say hi. Yes, its me. I was walking out and your walking in. Were both tall, you have blond hair and I have black. Just saying hi!”

(The way you walked through that door was very sweet! And we’re both tall so we must be made for each other!!)

Pretty redhead with a friend going downtown on the 1 - m4w:
“We broke the cardinal rule on the subway: eye contact and even a smile. I was late to meet a friend, and you were with yours. It was 7pm. Let's find a way to let history repeat itself (eye contact, smiles), but change the ending of the story.”

(The Corniest Post of the Day Award goes to…)

Pair of diamond earrings found on 4 train - 26 (Downtown):
“I found a pair of diamond earings on the 4 train this morning, Please contact me with a brief description of the items if they are yours.”

(Why didn’t I think of this when I lost my iPod a week or two ago?! Oh, that's right, because a fag never turns anything in to a lost-and-found!)

Alright, I’ve had enough fun making fun of people I hope to never meet. Time to get serious with a serious rhetorical question:

When’s the last time you had a life-altering connection with a random stranger? If you can’t remember, it’s probably been too long. And it’s definitely been too long since I’ve had one. I’m not talking the last time you instantly fell in love with the guy who lit your cigarette because his baby blues pierced your soul as he did it. I’m talking a legitimate exchange of pheromones that produces a genuine need to emotionally consummate the relationship. I miss connections like those. They must not miss me!

My last exchange of that nature included my ex-boyfriend, which means it’s been over six months ago since this mind, body and soul has connected with the trifecta of another man. Can I just say that it is time, the time has come, and it will never happen if I want it to, so I’m probably jinxing myself by writing this. But what the hell. Fuck the consequences. I needed to get this longing off of my chest in order to get through the week.

Until my next life-altering altercation I will be forced to connect with my platonic playmates, my regularly scheduled television programming, and my right hand (not all three at the same time)!

On an unrelated note, here are some things you should be doing in 30 seconds:

1. Watching Showtime’s new series The Tudors. You WON’T be disappointed!
2. Setting your DVRs for Entourage season premiere this coming Sunday on HBO. So excited!
3. Watching Kiss Kiss Bang Bang On-Demand. (“Don’t quit your gay job” LOL)
4. Downloading Mat Kearney’s “All I Need”.
5. Picking out your pastel outfits for Easter.

Happy Resurrection! Don’t mind sending me a card with “the” tomb on the front. My mother beat you to it.

Love and bunnies. :)