How Do You Revive a Passion…

…that is currently in a coma?

Your first thought would be to mix it up a bit, right?! Well, I’ve found that solution easier said than done lately in my current relationship. I’m talking about my ongoing love affair with the city of New York. A little over three years ago I embarked on a journey to find a place to call home. And while I’ve definitely found that in NYC, lately I haven’t been able to help feeling detached and a bit estranged from the city that once made my heart beat a little (okay, a lot) faster than the rest.

You know the intoxicating feeling of infatuation that comes with a new chemical reaction between you and another attractive human being? It’s that groundbreaking chemistry that eventually goes down in textbooks as something that changed the world, or at least yours. It’s the same feeling of excitement that overcomes you when visiting a big city or any interesting place for the first time.

I miss that adrenaline rush that comes over millions of people every year, caused by crossing either the Hudson or East to begin an experience they could never have prepared for; the overwhelming sense that you are amongst greatness and a part (if only for a short time) of something extraordinary. But that rush is reserved for NYC virgins, and while your second or third time probably will still increase the blood flow to your heart and soul, there comes a time when the intrigue falls away and all you are left with is a recurring character in a life that you’ve made for yourself.

After three short years I feel extremely jaded, a self-diagnosis I had faith would not come until my late 20s. I’m 24-fucking-years-old and nothing phases me, or at least that’s how it seems lately. The mystery and intrigue have become subdued and I believe I’ve become too comfortable here. Or maybe that’s just the cost of finding a home.

Someone once said, “There is only so much you can learn in one place,” and I guess that’s true to some extent. But I refuse to imagine a New York that doesn’t have more to teach me. And I refuse to imagine this New Yorker living anywhere else, at least for now.

I’m currently in desperate need of a break from reality. A bit ironically, it seems that ever since my vacay to Miami, life has been muy loco and a bit more out of control than when I left.

If I had the monetary ability to completely disappear for a while, I would be gone. But for now I must face my reality, my demons and my subdued intrigue and ambitions. I must find a way to shake it up a bit; “it” being my life here in Manhattan. My passion for many things in this life has been sleeping for some time now, but I know it will only take finding the right antidote to revive what once was a surreal existence.

If I’m being honest here, I’m probably not ready for what comes next on my journey, but hopefully while I'm preparing I can re-ignite the flame that once burned brightly for the city that never sleeps (even those times when I wish so badly it would).

I believe I need to spend some quality time together with my City to indulge in activities I have long forgotten, to embrace her for all her faults, to bask in environments which make her worth holding on to, and to not take for granted what she’s meant to me and my multiple personalities in the past three (fabulous) years. As long as she'll have me, I will be here.