Perfecting the Art: Breaking Up

It is hard to do, but does it always have to be tres difficile?! I feel like I lucked out this time around, but I really won’t know how much until the next phase of the plan takes effect. Actually there is no plan, and for all I know I could never see RAP again. But if I have anything to say about it, the past 3 months will forever be considered the beginning of what is/was a beautiful, long-lasting friendship. I’ll keep posted on that!

And not to sound like a dick, but this breaking up thing seems to just be something that I do. Because although this was my first official boyfriend on boyfriend relationship, I’ve been through the “breaking up” process several times before. In either case (being the breaker or the breakee), I found out a while ago that getting out of any kind of relationship is much more difficult than initiating one. All it takes to initiate is a lingering glance, but to disengage after that person knows your name can be a whole other inning & ballgame altogether!

What have I learned from my first official romantic relationship? Here it goes:

(1) With every new relationship I’m pushing myself beyond what I’ve ever experienced before and stretching myself further than I’ve ever been extended. And a few weeks ago, I said to myself, this is as far as I (can) go. In the same way that a rubber band can only be stretched so far until it pops, I was beginning to feel overextended. My elasticity can vary, but is not unlimited!

(2) I wasn’t ready, plain and simple. From the beginning, I missed the spark and excitement of meaningless first encounters, and have realized that my love is water and cannot be mixed with oil, the substance that I currently view sex as being.

(3) The opposite of love is indifference, and there is no passion when there is indifference. A lack of passion will bring down any house. And in this case, the source of the strangulation of love was my familiarity with the other person and my lack of experience with romantic relationship among people I consider a friend.

(4) I know, and am okay with, the implications of my conclusions. My life is for rent, and until I learn to buy, I deserve nothing more than I get. Nothing I have is truly mine (Dido)!

(5) When it’s right and it’s real I won’t have the lingering thoughts and doubts, which accompanied me toward the end.

In the words of Cazwell, one of the East Village’s most intriguing nightlife personalities, “having a boyfriend is like having a job and right now, I work like 40 hours a week. If you’re going to take a job, you’d better love your job.” That doesn’t make complete sense to me, but I get where he’s going with the statement. Having a boyfriend is a lot of work, and I already have a job!

On a perfectly related note, check out the video to Cazwell’s Do You Wanna Break Up. Trust me. Highly enjoyable!



As always, enjoy! And cheers to my slump!